things i love...

                                          

just some of the things i love:  making waffles - that sounds so corney but i didn't have a mom growing up that took the time to make me waffles. the kids love them for breakfast before school so i make a batch on the weekends (or i try at least) and freeze them.

change...

how does someone go about changing? i mean true change - your actions, your character, your habits - all of that.  is it really possible or do you give up and say "that's just the way i am"...or do you just live in this constant state of dissatisfaction wanting to change but not really knowing how or where to start.  do you take on all the parts of you that you don't like or just pick one and work on it...for a week...a month....a year...or more.  do you bounce around to all the different "problems", just picking away at them but never really changing? who do you tell...your husband...your best friend...your therapist...only to have them say - you're fine.  i'm sure this all sounds very pathetic but i want to change - a lot! i've realized that i'm not a very good friend - actually i'm horrible at it.  those people i've taken for granted my whole life have seemed to move on - they've found better friends and i don't blame them - i would too.  i want to change my character - who i really am.  is that really possible - i don't think so.  i'm following a blog about a gal who almost died last year in a plane crash.  she was horribly burned and looks completely different now.  her kids didn't even want to be around her afterwards!  horrible, horrible stuff.  but now, even though her life is far from perfect (she lives in pain every day and still wonders why God let her live) - she is grateful.  she's still there with and for her kids.  she has an amazaing husband who has an amazing attitude (he was in the plane crash also and was burned but not as bad as her).  could i do that?  i don't think so.  i would feel sorry for myself.  i know i would.  so how does not change that?  does your true character come out during times of adversity.  they say it does.  what if that character is not who you thought you were but when it's staring you right in the face - what do you do?  this gal, has an amazing group of friends - i can just tell.  i also have a good friends from high school whose husband has cancer.  i've been following the story on facebook (i haven't called her because i don't know what to say - again, horrible friend).  she has an amazing groups of friends. she doesn't need me.  i love you jenni - i need you.  but... 

snoball...

on saturday, ryan went to his first high school dance - well it wasn't at the high school but it's just the same.  i've said it so many times but it's so much more difficult for me to have a son go through high school than it was for me.  two hours before the dance, the gal he was going with wasn't sure if she was going - she didn't have anything to wear...such a girl thing.  well she decided to go - one hurdle down.  we had to return the jacket we rented because it was way too small so right before we left, ryan wanted to get dressed.  well, now the pants were way too small.  wear jeans - they'll look awesome and they did.  randy and I went to take the jacket back (and the pants now) when they informed us that dress code wouldn't allow him to wear jeans - now what.  get another pair of pants - take out the hem in the other pants - get a refund on the jacket (gave us too much - didn't have time to tell him - we'd figure it out the next day when we brought the tux back).  headed to rory's house (him and mary were going with ryan and ani).  mary and ani brought flowers for the boys - rory bought a flower for mary - we forgot a flower for ani (way to go - totally forgot!).  after pictures, they headed off - man how i hate watching him leave with a group of teenagers.  it never ever gets easier.  they went out for pizza, movie, dance (stayed until 11), movie back at mary's then sleeping at travis'.  he said he had a good time - "some good, some not so good". 

wildlife...

syd ran into the house "there's a woodpecker outside!".  i guess it was a woodpecker - it was a bird pecking on our tree.  i grabbed my camera and said "wait, don't scare him off yet".  she thought if she walked slowly she could get way close to him.  i snapped a couple pictures then got the best one...

hard to see but that's him looking to the right while syd is looking to the left...

craft day....sometimes i forget how precious my kids are - i get so busy with my own stuff and forget that my kids are growing up and will not always be kids - i wanted to do something special with jus syd so we had our first "monthly" craft day.  i'm going to try to set aside one day a month where we pick a craft and work on it together.  i will do my best to make it as enjoyable and relax and enjoy my daughter.  

we made magnets to give to our friends for Christmas. i taught syd how to sew and she had a great time making all the projects.  she did such an awesome job.  

 

she loved being in charge of the sewing

we had a great time...ended up making 12 fabric magnets and 5 paper magnets.  love you ninnie!

stormy night...

wind is blowing and since the weather hits the end of house where the kids sleep, syd is sleeping with me tonight...I absolutely love these times. When she was small, she NEVER slept all night. She would come to my side of the bed and I would either let her in to sleep with me (which Randy didn't like because he would be left with no room) or I'd take her back to her room - but this would happen every single night. I would get so frustrated with her. Well, speed ahead a couple of years and now those times don't seem to happen. I long for those times when I get to sleep with my daughter. I can see those times quickly fading away never to return and it makes me extremely sad. So much has changed over the past couple years and I just want things to stop. Ryan just got home from going into town for a band thing and it's another thing to remind me of how fast life it going. With him driving, I worry everytime he gets in his truck - it's so convenient for us that he drives but I hate that he does. He's sixteen and will be leaving in two years....aaaaahhhhhhhh. I have a friend who lost her dad last Friday...it's been almost two years since my daddy left this earth and I hate it. I hate absolutely everything about it and I get so sad. I so wanted him to watch Syd grow up - they were good friends and hate having to remind myself that he's no longer here - it just doesn't get easier with time - I think it gets worse. Wow, this has been a bummer posting...so what am I thankful for...ok, yes - stormy nights - they make you grateful for what you have and what is important to hold onto and not take for granted. Now I get to snuggle with my little baby...

thankful for my partner

i don't like using the word partner because I immediatelly think of a homosexual partner but I'm referring to my husband and I'm thankful that he's my partner in life - in raising our kids - in figuring out this crazy world. He's been absolutely amazing in rising up to the challange and really being the head of our household and setting an example not only to me but to our kids on going the extra mile, sacrificing and working hard. He's recently found a job that he really likes but he's also working a parttime job. This sometimes takes him away from us but we all know he's doing what's best for us. Way to go honey - I'm proud of you!

thankful for special moments...

since I didn't post anything yesterday, I get to list two things I'm thankful for...the first one is those special moments that seem to come and go so quickly you almost don't have time to think about them as special moments...mine was this morning when I asked Syd what she wanted for breakfast - with a straight face and without a hesitation she said "whip cream". Now that's a special moment. Who thinks like that but a 7 year old! I said, what do you think I'm going to say to that...she said "no". Thinking back on it now, I wish that I'd actually given her at least a spoon full. I'm trying hard to not be so rigid and give in just a little on those things - who wouldn't want whip cream for breakfast.

opportunities & possibilities

I realized today how hard it is to constantly come up with a cleaver titles and subjects to your blogs...and it's only the second day. Maybe that's why I've never kept this up for very long...well, yesterday was my first post and I stated I was thankful for my family (of course!). On the way to work, I remembered that yesterday one of our employees was layed off. I had a wave of emotion realizing that even though I probably make less than any body in the company, I am the low man on the totem pole (being the very last person hired by the company). At the same time, I would leave tomorrow if I could - I want to be home again so bad it effects my attitude - but I know that's not possible right now. So, I was scared of the possibility of being let go and happy at the thought that it might happen. This morning though, DH and I had a good conversation on preparing for the future - for when I can quit and stay home again. We both know I will have to do something but neither one of us want it to be the typical 8-5 job.

So, I'm thankful for the opportunities that God has provided and thankful the possibilities for the future and thankful for the journey between then and now

just the beginning....

being one who has started so many journals over the years only to leave them on the nightstand after a couple of night, here we go again. Randy thinks I don't need another thing, but I'm REALLY wanting to keep this up. Here's the twist, I found a website - http://www.30daysofthanks.com/ - that got me remembering back one year - it was December (OK nine months but...) and Ryan was in the hospital after his back surgery. Life was really really complicated and it seems as though nothing was going the why I felt it should. So I thought of focusing on what was going right and not what was going wrong - basically what to be thankful for so I started a blog in the hospital. So, jump ahead one year - life is still complicated but managable and I can't say I've followed through on the "focusing" part or the blogging but we're going to give it another try. My hope is that Ryan and Sydney will be able to read these postings and learn a little about their mom and what life was like during the crazy times.

Oh, ya, also I need to post a daily "thankful" so, here's todays...this may be a little cheesy but today I'm thankful for my family - hubby (Randy), awesome son (Ryan - 16) & sweet daughter (Sydney - 7). We all have our own little quirks but if you have the right attitude, it's awesome.