things i love...

                                          

just some of the things i love:  making waffles - that sounds so corney but i didn't have a mom growing up that took the time to make me waffles. the kids love them for breakfast before school so i make a batch on the weekends (or i try at least) and freeze them.

change...

how does someone go about changing? i mean true change - your actions, your character, your habits - all of that.  is it really possible or do you give up and say "that's just the way i am"...or do you just live in this constant state of dissatisfaction wanting to change but not really knowing how or where to start.  do you take on all the parts of you that you don't like or just pick one and work on it...for a week...a month....a year...or more.  do you bounce around to all the different "problems", just picking away at them but never really changing? who do you tell...your husband...your best friend...your therapist...only to have them say - you're fine.  i'm sure this all sounds very pathetic but i want to change - a lot! i've realized that i'm not a very good friend - actually i'm horrible at it.  those people i've taken for granted my whole life have seemed to move on - they've found better friends and i don't blame them - i would too.  i want to change my character - who i really am.  is that really possible - i don't think so.  i'm following a blog about a gal who almost died last year in a plane crash.  she was horribly burned and looks completely different now.  her kids didn't even want to be around her afterwards!  horrible, horrible stuff.  but now, even though her life is far from perfect (she lives in pain every day and still wonders why God let her live) - she is grateful.  she's still there with and for her kids.  she has an amazaing husband who has an amazing attitude (he was in the plane crash also and was burned but not as bad as her).  could i do that?  i don't think so.  i would feel sorry for myself.  i know i would.  so how does not change that?  does your true character come out during times of adversity.  they say it does.  what if that character is not who you thought you were but when it's staring you right in the face - what do you do?  this gal, has an amazing group of friends - i can just tell.  i also have a good friends from high school whose husband has cancer.  i've been following the story on facebook (i haven't called her because i don't know what to say - again, horrible friend).  she has an amazing groups of friends. she doesn't need me.  i love you jenni - i need you.  but... 

snoball...

on saturday, ryan went to his first high school dance - well it wasn't at the high school but it's just the same.  i've said it so many times but it's so much more difficult for me to have a son go through high school than it was for me.  two hours before the dance, the gal he was going with wasn't sure if she was going - she didn't have anything to wear...such a girl thing.  well she decided to go - one hurdle down.  we had to return the jacket we rented because it was way too small so right before we left, ryan wanted to get dressed.  well, now the pants were way too small.  wear jeans - they'll look awesome and they did.  randy and I went to take the jacket back (and the pants now) when they informed us that dress code wouldn't allow him to wear jeans - now what.  get another pair of pants - take out the hem in the other pants - get a refund on the jacket (gave us too much - didn't have time to tell him - we'd figure it out the next day when we brought the tux back).  headed to rory's house (him and mary were going with ryan and ani).  mary and ani brought flowers for the boys - rory bought a flower for mary - we forgot a flower for ani (way to go - totally forgot!).  after pictures, they headed off - man how i hate watching him leave with a group of teenagers.  it never ever gets easier.  they went out for pizza, movie, dance (stayed until 11), movie back at mary's then sleeping at travis'.  he said he had a good time - "some good, some not so good".